sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
