i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
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Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?