I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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