plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
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