Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You pole danced in your parka.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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