She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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