She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I need water and some morals
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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