whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
