i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So many bounce houses so little time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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