THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
