And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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