That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
