Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
