UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
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I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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