So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
