How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
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