they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
