I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I could make wine with my vomit
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
