why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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