kristin has been a bad kristin
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
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Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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