Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
