Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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