there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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