im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
