Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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