We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
