Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
