I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
