my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
