love makes seman taste better
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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