I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
