the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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