Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
