The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
