I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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