I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
