What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
