Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
