It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
