Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
