I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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