I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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