So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I need to align my fucking chakras
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
