Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
