I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
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