just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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