I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
