he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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