yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
