This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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