be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
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