don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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