have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
