I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
