I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
