he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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