The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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