Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
