I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
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I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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