I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
