Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
