I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
