Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize