I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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