he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got her a Nickelback box set.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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