my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
