I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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