My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
