At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
