btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
