I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
