He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
