I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
