she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize