the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
