he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
