Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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