dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
