someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
