note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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