Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
