Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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