You smell like a Billy Joel song
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
