I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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