i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
