you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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