So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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