For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
