i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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